The Myth of Retirees Who “Can’t Let Go” of Their Money
Scroll through retirement forums long enough and you’ll notice a common thread: people confessing they have more money than they’ll ever need, but they “just can’t spend it.”
Other commenters usually swoop in with pop-psychology takes. You’re afraid to let go. You’re not enjoying the fruits of your labor. You worked so hard, and now you’re denying yourself.
Even social media influencers who claim they will teach you how to be rich, love to pile on. They make it sound like having a high net worth but low spending is some kind of psychological flaw.
I think that’s wrong. And I can say that with confidence because I’ve lived financial independence from a perspective most people don’t have.
Table of Contents
Why I See It Differently
I’m a third-generation early retiree.
- My mom’s dad retired at 47, despite not having attended high school.
- My dad retired in his 30s.
- I retired at 42.
My other grandpa did not retire young, but it could have. He was an orphan, but still became quite successful.
All of us were 100% self-made millionaires. No inheritances. No lottery wins. Just building and investing over time.
On top of that, I’m a CFA with two decades in finance. I’ve worked inside two of the largest financial services firms, held FINRA licenses, and run investment risk teams.
I built tools that 10s of thousands of Financial Advisors used to build portfolios for millions of clients. I did that at two different firms!
I also have a psychology degree.
So I’m not guessing here. I’ve lived having more than enough money from both the spreadsheets and the inside of my own life.
Related: I Retired at 42: How I Think Differently Than People Still Working
The Real Issue Isn’t “Letting Go”
Society pushes a simple story: if you don’t spend, you’re broken. You’ve got “money trauma.” You’re denying yourself joy.
But that assumes joy comes from spending in the first place.
For many of us, it doesn’t. We don’t get the dopamine rush from buying the fancy car, the second home, or the $300 dinner. That’s not how we’re wired.
And yet society, and especially the louder corners of personal finance culture, tells us we’re supposed to. That if we have money, we’re obligated to display it.
Related Video: 9 Mental Shifts Required for a Successful FIRE Journey
The Social Pressure to Spend
This is the part most people miss. The discomfort isn’t about money. It’s about fitting in.
Our culture has trained people to see spending as normal, expected, even virtuous. If your net worth is high, there’s an unwritten rule that your lifestyle should match.
- You’ve got millions? Why aren’t you driving a Porsche?
- Your house is paid off? Why not upgrade to a mansion?
- You’ve retired early? Why not flaunt it?
When you don’t, people assume something’s wrong with you.
But that assumption says more about them than it does about you.
Related: Stealth Wealth: How Quiet Living Protects Your Money and Freedom
The Dopamine Problem With Spending
This is especially true for self-made millionaires like myself. Many of us either never developed, or gradually trained away, the dopamine kick that comes from spending.
When I was building wealth, every dollar mattered. I learned to slow down and think about whether I got equal or greater value from every purchase. That habit didn’t disappear just because my net worth grew.
So while society expects a Porsche or a mansion, I don’t get a rush from those upgrades. If anything, I feel more satisfaction knowing I didn’t trade a chunk of freedom for a fleeting high.
My dopamine comes from discipline, not from consumption.
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Why “Not Spending” Can Be the Healthiest Choice
Here’s the truth that gets lost in the noise: if you don’t enjoy spending more, you’re not supposed to.
And that’s not a flaw. That’s freedom.
When you stop chasing society’s dopamine loop of bigger, faster, newer, you realize something radical: you’re happier spending less, even when you could spend more.
That’s not deprivation. That’s alignment.
I’d argue it’s the ultimate financial independence, not just having the money to buy things, but the clarity to know you don’t need them.
Related: 15 Spending Habits That Set Self-Made Millionaires Apart
Ignore the “Finance Influencers” Teaching You To Get Rich
This is why I push back on influencers, who love to tell retirees they’re doing it wrong if they’re not “living rich.”
Every hero needs a villain, and some influencers think they are the hero and we are the villains. They are wrong. They misdiagnosed the problem. (Can you guess who I am referring to)
That’s not financial freedom, that’s not even being rich. That’s just another set of rules.
Real financial independence is getting to choose your own rules.
The influencers don’t understand this. They are not in our position. They are hustling and still building wealth. They don’t know what it’s like to have more than enough, because they don’t have more than enough.
I do know what it’s like. I’m doing this for free to pay it forward. I’m not selling anything. I already have my money, I don’t need yours.
Related: Self-Made Millionaire Says Ramit Sethi’s Advice to Frugal Millionaires Is Misguided
If You Feel Like You “Should” Spend More
If you’re one of those people with a large net worth who feels guilty for not spending more, step back and consider this: the issue probably isn’t spending. It’s fitting in.
It’s hard not to feel pressure when friends, neighbors, or other retirees are flashing new cars and bigger houses. Social comparison is baked into human psychology. But that doesn’t mean you have to play along.
Focus on you. Spend where it genuinely makes you happy, and not a penny more. If travel lights you up, do it. If giving brings joy, give generously.
But don’t fall into the trap of spending to match others. True financial independence is about freedom from expectations, not swapping one set of rules for another.
Where I Land
I’m happier not spending what I could spend. Happier ignoring society’s expectations for my net worth. Happier knowing my joy doesn’t depend on proving anything with dollars.
So if you’ve retired and people tell you you’re “not letting go” stop listening. The problem isn’t you. The problem is a culture that can’t imagine someone being content without constant consumption.
And being the exception to that? That’s not a problem at all. It’s a superpower.
So what about you? Do you find joy in spending more, or does society just expect you to?
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