How To Be A Good Dad: Be Present
I want to be a good dad and I try hard to be one. It’s not easy but I try to be present. I love my kids and my wife very much. Nearly my entire motivation for wanting to retire early is to have time to spend with them, and to just be present.
That’s where this whole retire early idea came from. I mentioned it in the about me. My dad wasn’t around much as a kid, and when he was he was too stressed to be nice. He wasn’t engaged. He wasn’t present.
His first and only love was himself and the business he started a year before my sister was born (two years before I was). He was a teenager when he started the business, and it was all that he cared about.
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How To Be A Good Dad: Just Try To Be Better Than Yours
I know how he treated me. It was not healthy. He was rough and he was very tough. He was a slot machine. I never knew what I would get. All I wanted was his attention and engagement. I never got it.
He was never present. Still isn’t although he is trying much harder now that he is aging. He was very engaged and focused on people that worked for him. He didn’t realize they thought he was great because they paid him. My siblings and I thought he was great because he was our dad.
So when I was in my teens planning how quickly I could move away to college I reflected a lot on life. Wouldn’t it be great if I was the opposite of him. What if I could learn from his mistakes and be a good dad.
Put Down Your Phone and Close Your Laptop
In our hyper-connected world, it’s easy to fall into the trap of always being “on.” Emails, social media, and work notifications can constantly pull us away from the moments that matter most.
But being present means more than just being physically there; it requires our full attention. I realized that even when I was home, I was often not truly present. My mind was still at work, or worse, lost in the endless scroll of my phone.
One of the most powerful changes I made was committing to putting down my phone and closing my laptop when I was with my family. It was a small but significant step toward being the dad I wanted to be.
The world outside can wait, but your children’s childhoods won’t. Every time I close my laptop or set my phone aside, I’m making a conscious choice to engage with my kids, to be part of their world, and to show them that they are more important than anything happening on a screen.
Leave Work Early
In the traditional work culture, leaving early can often be seen as a sign of laziness or lack of commitment. It’s a conscious choice, a way to reclaim time that rightfully belongs to my family.
But the truth is, those extra hours were robbing me of precious moments with your kids.
Leaving work early doesn’t mean you’re slacking off; it means you’re prioritizing what truly matters. It’s about recognizing that work will always be there, but your kids won’t always be young. Make it a point to leave work early whenever you can.
Use that time to pick up your kids from school, help them with homework, or just hang out. Those moments are priceless, and no amount of work success can replace them.
Play with Your Kids
Playing with your kids might seem like a simple thing, but it’s one of the most powerful ways to connect with them.
When I was growing up, I wish my dad played with me, to spend time just having fun together. But he was always too busy, too stressed, or too distracted. Or he was just too damn mean. I promised myself I wouldn’t repeat that mistake.
Playing with your kids is more than just entertainment; it’s how they learn, grow, and feel loved. Whether it’s building a Lego tower, playing catch, or just being silly together, these moments create a bond that lasts a lifetime.
It shows your kids that they are valued, that you enjoy spending time with them, and that you are truly present in their lives. Every time I play with my kids, I’m reminded of why I wanted to retire early in the first place. To be there, fully and completely, for them.
How To Be A Good Dad: For Me, It Was Retire Early
The solution I saw was to not work forever. I wanted time to spend with my wife (who I hadn’t met yet) and kids and have them know they mattered. I wanted to help raise my kids. So I wanted to be present. How can you be present if you are away at work, or focused on work when you are at home?
How can you be present if you are a slave to your job? We can only think about so many things at once. Do problems at work really need to be where we put our energy?
We own our jobs, and our jobs do not own us! We own our stuff, and our stuff does not own us. These are things we seem to forget that in our society. We forget or don’t realize that we own our time! Retirement ages are arbitrary and we don’t need to stick with them. We just need to have a higher income than we spend. Simple.
I am not a risk taker, so I decided my path would be controlling expenses, investing in real estate over a few decades, and saving/investing whatever I could into 401k. I treated the math problem as multi-phase.
First, invest in tax deferred accounts to buy my income needs from age 60 until death, and invest in taxable assets (real estate) to get me able to retire from age 40 something to age 60.
There are so many other approaches to early retirement but that was mine.
….and the reason and inspiration was pure; I wanted to be a good dad.
Try to be a good dad! (or mom, son, daughter, whatever.) Just try to be a good person.
🙋♂️If you would like to read more about my journey to early retirement, and trying to be a good dad, then subscribe to the Dad is FIRE newsletter and follow me on YouTube. 💪
